It’s like I’ve never left

Beauty comes in many guises;

The stunning night-time approach to

my brief transfer through Doha

Arriving back in the UK was a strange experience. The first thing that I noticed was that it was really very cold! Despite the very mild spring weather (I am told), arriving at Gatwick felt to me like stepping out into a fridge! But there was a certain appeal to that given how hot I had been for most of the last 5 months. Thankfully, I had a jumper to hand and enjoyed enormously the pleasure of burrowing my chin into its fleecy warmth.

The second thing I noticed were the cars. Blimey! So many. So new. And all driving so fast. Having been picked up from the airport by a taxi (a very nice Mercedes), being driven back to my car at my parents-in-law’s house was like being thrown into a whirlpool. You join the insatiable rushing of traffic and in doing so, you find yourself thrust into the collective ‘stress’ of this perpetual beast. Having been away, it's notably palpable. 

But for all of those observations, it almost felt like I had not been away. My mind switched straight back into UK mode and my Africa experience seemed to be becoming a rapidly distant experience. After five months away, in many ways nothing seemed to have changed as I stepped straight back into my old life. Yet I know, deep down on some level, everything has. Explaining this will take me a long time to unpick I suspect.

A brief cup of tea and snack at my parents-in-law's (they were away but had kindly made my life very easy) and I climbed into my seven-year-old turbo diesel estate. It felt like I was driving a Ferrari on a race track (not that I drive fast, I hasten to mention). But the roads are so smooth and the driving experience was so far removed from that which I had gotten used to in Tanzania. I headed off down the motorway to stay with my friends who are very kindly putting me up this week.

I have applied for a job, my dream job to be honest and have been shortlisted. I now need to get my head back into NHS mode. It’s not the clinical side of things that I think will be a struggle – I have worked hard to keep my mind in that place throughout my time in Tanzania – but all the ‘other stuff’. Rotas, politics, research, white papers, NHS policy, what the right thing to say is when saying ‘I would do the right thing’ just isn’t enough. Why do you want this job? Why here? What qualities do you possess……. My mind is suddenly overwhelmed by what is waiting for me. 

A consultant interview is a massive deal and right now I feel like I have volunteered to be thrown to the lions and torn apart as a fraud who has been off on a jolly for 5 months, but has the audacity to apply for one of the best jobs in the region (clearly if you have been following my blogs this last statement couldn't be further from the truth, but it's funny the games the mind can play). I have never been very good at self-promotion, it is not something I’ve ever really enjoyed. But I do dearly want this job. 

I know the department and they know me. I know that I would be great for the role and I know that the role would be good for me. I know I am a little unusual (perhaps not a stereotypical surgeon - if ever there is such a thing) and whilst I do sometimes feel like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole, this job feels very right for me. I would be part of a fantastic team that would allow me to be me (maybe rounding the edges of that square hole a little) and enable me to practice the way I want to in the NHS. I think any clinician strives to be in an environment that allows them to provide the best possible care for their patients, and for me this role would give me that. I know I would be happy. Isn’t that what any clinician wants? 

Ha! Perhaps that last paragraph is an evolving answer to an interview question I wonder….

So, I have 4 days now to get myself back up to my A-Game. I have 4 days to woo the senior management in the trust, explain what I have been up to and give them a taste of who I am ahead of the interview on Friday. It is a massive ask to be ready on Friday. But ready I will be in one way or another. If I learned anything from my years of elite sport (that’s another story), focus on your strengths and look for solutions to your weaknesses. And remember, in many ways I have been preparing for this moment my whole life.

First I need a haircut though.