Two sides to every story.

I have been feeling a little deflated these past few days as, after the highs of Blue Peter style improvisation, the same case has suffered a complication. And one that hurts. There is a crucial nerve that runs in the field of surgery when removing a tumour of the parotid gland; Cranial Nerve VII, the Facial Nerve. This supplies the muscles of the face on one side. The ability to smile, bare your teeth and close your eye properly are governed by this nerve. Despite it being at the forefront of my mind during the operation and all the care I thought I had taken, somehow it seems to have fared badly from the process. The patient has a palsy. Gutted does not cover it. It is devastating to be honest. A real blow. Whilst it may be ‘a well-recognised complication’, and he at high risk for it (given the nature of his tumour), these things are never easy to take. There is a chance that it might have ‘just’ been bruised in the process. Only temporarily damaged, a neuropraxia. If so, recovery is possible, but I am wary to clutch on to this glimmer of hope.

Unfortunately, this is surgery. This is the nature of being a surgeon. Complications happen. Bizarrely, often the cases that you are most worried about sail through the process and sometimes those that you think couldn’t have gone any better bowl you a googly such as this. Whilst intellectually you know that these things can happen, you are never prepared for them in my experience. I have been fortunate in my career to have had only a handful of unexpected significant complications, and most of these were probably beyond my ‘control’. Whilst you know that they happen to everyone, even the very best, you always hope (possibly even believe) that they won’t happen to you. Unfortunately, when they do, that little bit of you that you had invested in the case ‘bleeds’ with the patient. A raw wound. Etched forevermore into your consciousness. Of course you deal with it, you have to, otherwise you would never pick up the knife again. But they hurt. And the challenge is in not letting it drag you down too far, nor effect the rest of your roles in life. Which is obviously difficult.

Life is a funny thing. The cards you a re dealt can be tough sometimes. But in the words of one of my favourite books;

                                Wherever you go, there you are.